History, and Old School Photoshop

You know how I said that my mom and I were going through her wedding stuff this past weekend?  Well as part of that conversation I found out the most fascinating thing about her wedding photos - something I'd never noticed in all my years of casually flipping through her wedding album every now and then.

She showed me this picture:

And she focused my attention on one particular detail.

Notice anything about this close-up, besides the fact that my mom is absolutely gorgeous?  Anyone thinking that her eyelashes are amazing in this picture?  Well, they should be.  Those lashes were given the old school photoshop treatment.  If you don't have the slightest clue what that could mean, then you're in good company because I'd never heard of this particular technique either.

It means that those lashes were actually painted onto the printed photo itself!!  Can you believe that?!  

I was completely floored when she told me, but as I flipped through her album looking for additional evidence of old school photoshopping, I saw it everywhere.  There were pictures where the photographer painted in sections of my mom's hair because the tip of her ear was peeking through, and multiple examples of him painting in eyes on my father because my dad was squinting in many of the photos.

It's incredible to me that I never noticed this before, but I guess it's proof that no one scrutinizes your wedding photos like you do.  That's certainly a good lesson for a perfectionist like me.  It also made me really happy that there are more advanced photo manipulation techniques available to modern photographers.  Of course, the minute I have that thought I flash forward to the day we'll flip through our wedding album with our kids and they will scoff at how dated those now-so-modern Photoshop effects are.  Ahhh, the neverending march of time (and technology).

Was anyone else aware of photographers painting/drawing directly onto printed images?  I'm curious how widespread this practice was.

A Little Piece of History

This past weekend I flew back to Georgia to spend a weekend with my mom, brothers, and my grandparents.  In all the crazy hustle and bustle of last-minute wedding planning (24 days and counting, gah!), it was nice to get away from the stress for a bit and reconnect with family.

While I was home there was a lot of wedding talk of course, which spurred my mom to pull out some of her own wedding stuff.  As soon as I saw her veil and headpiece in the dress box, I couldn't resist trying it on.

Here's my beautiful mother wearing her veil over thirty years ago.

And here I am - proving that this look was much better on her than it is on me.

The headpiece may not be the right style for me, but I actually liked the edging on the veil and I started to wonder whether I could find a way to re-purpose my mom's veil as my veil.  So I gathered it up and held it in a way that kind of imitated what it would look like if the veil was attached to a comb rather than the lace headpiece.

It has a little more body than I might have chosen otherwise, but the history and symbolism of it being my mom's veil way outweigh any tiny preference I have about length or puffiness.  The only question now is whether the color is a close enough match to my dress.  In the overhead lighting of the house it looked as white as the day my mom wore it, but in the bright SF sunshine it was looking a bit more cream.

I have my first dress fitting today, so that will give me a chance to see if the coloring will work.  If it does, then you can pretty much bet this will make its way onto the "must have" project list.  I'm not-so-secretly hoping that it does!

What little pieces of history will you be incorporating on your wedding day?  And does anyone have any tips for me about how to attach tulle to a comb?

The Agony and Ecstasy of Picking the Party

Have you ever seen happy dreamy pictures like these: 

photography by Babylon Productions

photography by Jennifer Echols Photography

photography by Luster Studios

photography by Whitney Lee Photography / image via manolobrides.com

photography by Lexi Photography / image via So You're Engayged

...and mused about how choosing people to stand up with you on your wedding day would be one of the most effortless, joyous parts of the whole planning process?  I certainly did. In pictures of other wedding parties it looks like everyone's relationships are so perfect and easy. I know, I know... pictures don't tell the whole story. If I'd really thought critically about it perhaps it would've occured to me that couples don't necessarily automatically know who they want to have in their party from the moment they get engaged. But at first I didn't think that.

So, being an overly-obsessive-researcher-bride-to-be, I went looking for some words of wisdom on this whole wedding party thing.  And then I found this post on A Practical Wedding.  You truly must go read it right now.  No, really - I mean it.  Look, I'm even giving you the link again right...  here!  Click it! 
Alrighty then, now that you're back, here's my favorite part:

But we, over in indie-wedding-world, have made it even more complicated. Since the myth of matching dresses on matching size-two blond friends doesn’t work for all of us, we’ve created our own indie wedding party myth. We’ve looked at the outsides of other peoples blogg-y weddings, and come up with a story of what the inside of our wedding should feel like. We should all have friends in mismatched outfits that reflect their different, but equally hip personalities. We should have a band of quirky and arty friends, who know each other, and love us exactly the way we are. These friends should be talented (so they can help with the wedding) and generous (they are excited to help with the wedding).

Agh - you got me!!  Yes, yes yes!  I thought I was totally going to have that whole indie wedding thing because I'd seen it done in blogland and I knew I didn't care about matching outfits or equal numbers or same-gender bridal/groomal parties.  Having had a cadre of fabulous gay men as some of my closest friends in college, I'd always assumed I'd have a mixed-gender wedding party. Mr. FW is less extroverted than I am, so maybe I'd have more people stand on my side.  And why would I want to pick someone else's clothes for them when I have a hard enough time picking my own?  It all seemed so easy-peasy.

What I didn't account for in this blissfully happy bubble world was... the reality of my actual relationships.

For starters, many of my friends are unmarried (for personal, political, and logistical reasons).

{unmarried friends, out on the bay}

{back when everyone in this picture was actually single}

Of those who are married, most were married before I knew them. I've only been a bridesmaid once and I haven't been to that many weddings. To sum that all up - I don't have a wedding crazy friend group, and let me just say *wow* how that has changed the way I approach my wedding party.


And then there are the family matters. Mr. FW has possibly the best brother and sister on the planet, and there was never any doubt that they'd stand on his side on our wedding day.

{Mr. FW, Sister S, Brother S}

But my siblings and I are not as close.  We love each other the way family should, but it's not a... friendly love.  Does that make sense?  My youngest brother and I work really hard at our relationship, but my relationship with our other brother is complicated, which in turn takes it toll on my relationship with our other brother.  I worried that if I didn't ask them to stand on my side, that they'd feel bad being in the crowd and seeing Mr. FW's sibs up there.  Then I worried that, if they did stand on my side, they'd only be there out of obligation.  And I sure as hell don't want anyone - friend, family, or otherwise - feeling obligated to participate on our wedding day.

So many mixed emotions!  Up next: how I reached a happy resolution.

Has there been any agony involved in that ecstatic process of choosing your wedding party?  Do share...

Partying with the In-Laws

Now that you know the story of our engagement(s), let me tell you the story of the first real wedding-related event we attended - thrown by my incredible future sister-in-law!  Not only have she and her husband given me and Mr. FW the most amazing niece ever (just in time to be a flower girl, no less!)...

{a picture I took of Flower Girl S, just a few hours after she was born}

... but she organized the sweetest engagement dinner for us shortly after we made it all *official.*  Just to clarify - this would've been amazing no matter what, but it's particularly meaningful because it was the first time I truly realized the emotional big deal-ness of this whole engagement/marriage thing.  I guess I thought that because we'd been together for so long, and because everyone knew we were in it for the long haul, and because it doesn't seem like the marriage part of our relationship will concretely change anything about our day-to-day lives, the engagement would just feel like normal life except we would have rings on our fingers and I could be more unabashedly open about our wedding planning.  But I was so wrong.

{us, with FBIL}

{FBIL with niece/flower girl S}

{FSIL and us}

{FFIL, FMIL, and Flower Girl S}

I don't know the words to describe the feeling that washed over me during that dinner, but all I can say is I became aware of this...  beautiful emotional weight...  the heaviness and the awe of this historically-valued institution of marriage that so many before us have entered into.  And I felt so very, very loved. 

Among other thoughtful gifts (*yay* for a big stack of weddings mags, that I wantwantwanted but needed like I needed a hole in the head), FSIL organized other family members to provide us with individualized 'words of wisdom' cards that were both touching and hilarious to read aloud during dinner. 


{"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."  - Mignon McLaughlin; from FSIL}



{To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it.  Whenever you're right, shut up.  - Ogden Nath; from FMIL}



{Realize that your spouse is looking at every situation the two of you face with completely different eyes than you.  If there is any area of agreement, it's usually a mistake and you need to embrace the mistake and treat it as you would a rare flower, for it may not come your way again.  - FFIL}

I am so lucky to be marrying into such an ah-ma-zing family. 

When did the the historical and emotional weight of marriage hit you for the first time?