Last-Minute Dress Decision(s)

Today marks the two week point for the Ferris Wheels, and I gotta be honest that it feels crazy-making to know we're so close yet there's still so much that needs to get finished.  Some of those last-minute tasks make sense:  escort cards (because we're still trying to finalize our guest list), seating arrangements (because we're still trying to finalize our guest list), and baking stuff for the dessert buffet (because there's only so long that a baked good will last).

Then there are other tasks that I really wish had been completed earlier, but for one reason or another they're still up in the air like the videographer (because we didn't decide until the last minute that we even wanted one) and wedding party gifts (because of various snafus in the production process).  But perhaps the biggest last-minute project(s) has to do with my dress.

When I bought the dress, I didn't pay much attention to the train because that just wasn't on my priority list.  Well, now that I'm having to make final alterations decisions, apparently I have to decide whether or not I want to keep it.  My primary concern about the train is how it will fit with the limited amount of space in our ceremony venue.  If you don't recall, the ceremony room looks like this.

{Mr. FW and I will stand in that window along with our wedding party, the area leading to the window will be the aisle, and limited chairs will be squeezed in there as much as possible.}

And now here's a picture of how the original train length looks on me.

One thing's for sure: the train as it is will absolutely not fit well in the space.  For.  Sure.  Plus the alterations woman told me that, no matter what, she recommended reducing the length of the train because it's currently disproportionate to my height.  This is not something I'd ever considered before, but I suppose it makes sense.  

So I think my options are thus: 1) reduce the train, hope it fits in the ceremony space without looking stupid, then bustle it for the reception; 2) leave it bustled throughout the day, no need to worry about whether or not it fits in the ceremony space; 3) chop it off - no train, no bustle, no hassle.

For your reference, here are some pictures the seamstress took of a potential bustle for this dress (not necessarily the one I'll go with, but it's an option).

I feel torn, Hive!  If I'm being really honest with myself I can admit that I kinda like the idea of chopping off the train.  But as soon as I think that I tell myself this is probably the only time in my life when I'll get to drag around a bolt of extraneous fabric attached to a garment I'm wearing, and I question whether I'd actually want to give up that experience.  Plus - the bustle is just 'meh' for me.  I don't necessarily love it.  

So I'm looking for the invaluable insight that only a group of similarly wedding-obsessed people can provide!  Given what you know about me, my style, and our ceremony space, which train option do you think I should go with?

(insert poll)

Option 1: Let it flow then tuck it in.

Option 2: Bustle me all night long.

Option 3: No bustle, no problem.

Can't wait to see what you think!  Have you given any consideration to train changes you might want to make for your dress?

(And also, in case you were wondering, the other last-minute dress decision has to do with whether or not I'll be wearing a shrug with the dress.  I really want to, but as the days tick by without a good option on the horizon, this decision might just be made by default.)

A Little Piece of History

This past weekend I flew back to Georgia to spend a weekend with my mom, brothers, and my grandparents.  In all the crazy hustle and bustle of last-minute wedding planning (24 days and counting, gah!), it was nice to get away from the stress for a bit and reconnect with family.

While I was home there was a lot of wedding talk of course, which spurred my mom to pull out some of her own wedding stuff.  As soon as I saw her veil and headpiece in the dress box, I couldn't resist trying it on.

Here's my beautiful mother wearing her veil over thirty years ago.

And here I am - proving that this look was much better on her than it is on me.

The headpiece may not be the right style for me, but I actually liked the edging on the veil and I started to wonder whether I could find a way to re-purpose my mom's veil as my veil.  So I gathered it up and held it in a way that kind of imitated what it would look like if the veil was attached to a comb rather than the lace headpiece.

It has a little more body than I might have chosen otherwise, but the history and symbolism of it being my mom's veil way outweigh any tiny preference I have about length or puffiness.  The only question now is whether the color is a close enough match to my dress.  In the overhead lighting of the house it looked as white as the day my mom wore it, but in the bright SF sunshine it was looking a bit more cream.

I have my first dress fitting today, so that will give me a chance to see if the coloring will work.  If it does, then you can pretty much bet this will make its way onto the "must have" project list.  I'm not-so-secretly hoping that it does!

What little pieces of history will you be incorporating on your wedding day?  And does anyone have any tips for me about how to attach tulle to a comb?

Lobe Indecision

My thoughts about wedding day earrings were along the same lines as everything else when it comes to this wedding: "I'm not sure what I'm looking for, but I don't think this is it.  I'm certain I'll know it when I see it."  I've concocted a fuzzy mental image of the earrings I'm looking for, but as far as I can tell they're not anything that's ever been manufactured in the history of the world.  Freaking out that my indecision would result in bare lobes, I sucked it up and bought some earrings that I knew weren't "perfect" but would probably be "perfectly suitable."  Today they came in, and they're quite lovely.

Generally jewelry isn't really my thing, but I love earrings and I like them BIG.  So I'm just not sure these baubles are as... ostentacious? distinctive? statement-y? as I want them to be. 

{ignore the post-gym attire and just focus on the bling}

At this point, though, I've exhausted all of my best interwebz researcher skills.  I just don't know where else to look, which means these might be my final decision by default.  So indecisive... 

Hive, help me out!  Do you know of a place I could look for big sparkly earrings?

When DIY Is Exactly What You Want It To Be

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but we've done (and continue to do) a lot of DIY for our wedding.  Even with the multitude of projects we've undertaken, I will be the first to admit that DIY doesn't always mean cheaper or better.  (Goodness knows it never means easier or faster, but I suppose that's the natural and expected consequence of 'doing it yourself.')  Yet I do think in the long run there's some kind of even trade-off that happens - either you are able to save a little money on a project because you've invested your own time and energy, or you end up spending the same (or more) money as you would've to buy something in a store but you feel like the end result is more personalized and perfect.

Well folks, today I feel like I completed the holy grail of DIY projects.  Something that saved me money, gave me exactly what I was looking for, and was unbelievably fast and easy to boot.  I can't wait to share it with the hive because I just know there are a handful of you out there who will want to attempt this project for yourself. 

Okay, before I tell you what I'm talking about...

Alright, now that it's just us I can tell you that my little DIY project has to do with what I'm going to be wearing in my hair / on my head.  For someone who hasn't been all that into the attire portion of our wedding day plans, I've been surprisingly certain I wanted to wear something sparkly in my hair.  When I looked for inspiration on Etsy, I quickly stumbled on a few gorgeous headbands that really caught my eye.

white headband - Etsy seller Gracefully Girly - $54; black headband - Etsy seller LiveInStyle - $27

I liked both of these and several others, but I didn't want to shell out the money to order multiple ones just to test them out.  And the longer I looked at them, the more convinced I became that I could make something similar if only I could find beaded decorations that I liked.  A quick eBay search (keywords: black or white beaded applique) yielded options nearly identical to those above, and they were cheap enough to order both.  When they came in and I compared them in my hair, I knew instantly that I'd found "the one." 

The process to get it from an applique to a wedding-ready accessory was super easy and took right at an hour start to finish.  First I gathered my materials: applique, headband (thin, fabric-covered headband from Target for $1), felt, scissors, pen, and a hot glue gun.  I had all the materials except for the applique and headband, so the total cost of this project was less than $10 (less than $15 if you count the second applique I ordered).  Score!

I decided to back it with some felt to make it less transparent and smoother along the bottom.  I thought I'd like the black felt, but once I saw it on the white I really loved how it made the black rhinestones pop. 

I flipped the applique upside down and very lightly traced it onto the felt.  Once I had it all cut out to the right size, I heat singed the edges to get rid of stray fuzzies.  Then I hot glued it onto the applique.

Next I cut out a felt circle and glued part of it onto the middle of the applique, inserted the headband, then glued the edge on the other side.  I left this wide gap for the headband so that I could try it on and shift the applique to the exact location I wanted it prior to permanently gluing it down.

Once I had it in the right place, I glued the ends of the applique onto the headband and added a little more glue under the center circle. 

And that was it.  So are you ready to see the final product???  Oooooh... I'm ready to show you!

And just how smashing does it look on me?  You'll have to stay tuned to find out.  :-)

When has DIY gone right for you, and what's been your most rewarding DIY project?

Embracing the Non-Fancy Footwear

I bought my wedding day shoes, and they cost $16.  Mmmhmm...  True story.  Well, at least that's the true gist of the story, although it was a smidge more complicated than all that.  (When is that not the case for me?  Seriously.)

Sometime around the fall or winter of 2009 I decided that I really liked shoes from Aldo and I was planning to purchase a couple of pairs online.  As I always do, I checked the clearance section before I placed my order - you know, just in case there were any not-to-be-missed deals.  Now, you'll recall that we'd already finalized our wedding colors by then, which is why the sapphire blue flats caught my eye.  I always knew I'd wear flats for the wedding because, as much as I love heels and even find they can be comfortable for limited periods of time, there's no way I wanted to risk having aching feet on our wedding day. 

Okay, so... these shoes caught my eye, they seemed like they'd be the right color, and the price was certainly right - so I bought them.  I figured I could return them if the color was off.  Or, if I eventually decided not to wear them for the wedding, then I'd just have some cute blue flats for everyday wear. 

Over the almost two years I've had these shoes (and yes, they're still brand new) I've mentioned them to a couple people, and it always seemed to me that people thought they weren't fancy enough.  I don't know if it's because they're flats, or that they're simple, or that there's nothing glittery or blingy about them.  Whatever it was, it eventually had me worrying that I needed shoes that were more 'special' or 'fancy.'  So these shoes just sat in a box in the closet because I was feeling a little embarrassed that I ever thought $16 casual flats would be suitable as wedding shoes.

Then about a week ago Mr. FW's amazing wedding shoes came in and we both love them, especially when they're paired with his wedding socks.

And I was reminded, again, that we're not trying to have a super fancy wedding.  Sure, there are some elegant and fancy elements of our day, but on the whole there are way more casual, laidback, handmade elements than there are fancy ones.  Sometimes I get unnecessarily freaked out worrying that things will looks like a random mishmash of pieces because everything doesn't have exactly the same level of formality.  But then I look back at our completed projects and our mock-ups and my photoshopped collages of things and I'm able to soothe myself because I see proof that everything really is forming a cohesive whole.  There are certain stylistic themes that are running through every aspect of our day, and one of those themes, in fact,  might well be dubbed "fun, not formal."  So I'm fully embracing our fun, non-fancy footwear.  I think they look great together, and I'm more than a little stoked about that price tag.  Now I just can't wait to see them with the dress! 

What wedding purchases have you been uncertain about, and how did you resolve that uncertainty for yourself?  Is there something you've found that's a helpful reminder for you about the style of your wedding?

The Dress. Yes, THE Dress!

Hive, oh dearest Hive, I have so much to tell you.  I've been away for the last few days completely and utterly consumed by this crazy dress hunt, but at the end of all that I do have good news to share.

I made a final FINAL dress decision!!!

OMG, the stress and heartache involved in this process was something I didn't foresee in the slightest.  I've learned so much about myself and had so many revelations about things I wish I'd done differently, so I'm going to try and put those thoughts together eventually.  But before I get to that, I know y'all wanna see pictures and I think you've earned it for standing by me through this all of this. 

After falling off the proverbial wall, putting my pieces together again first required spending hours upon hours scouring internet-land compiling a list of affordable dresses that could ship relatively quickly and that I thought I'd be happy to wear.  I needed this reassurance in order to feel like I had not indeed sabotaged myself by "waiting too long" to look for a dress - because I definitely felt that way, and I needed to get past that intense self-blame.  Turns out, though, there are a lot of lovely dresses out there that could arrive in time to be altered for our wedding.  Knowing that I would be okay even if my search yielded no other viable options, I already felt a bit better.

Next I decided to simultaneously explore two equally feasible options - altering the dress I had already purchased and looking for a completely new dress.  First I met with an incredible seamstress named Karen Tierney of Studio Trousseau in Alameda.  I brought with me a few inspiration pictures to show her what I was thinking about, including one of a beautiful Rosa Clara shrug and one horribly Photoshopped picture of me wearing the kind of alterations I thought I might need.

145 Oporto by Rosa Clara

  

During the hour-long consultation she worked wonders in putting my mind at ease.  She confirmed that it would be possible to add a lace inset at the bust and then create a matching lace shrug in order to keep the look cohesive.  And because it had been difficult for me to find images of chiffon gowns with lace shrugs, she also assured me that it would be gorgeous and wouldn't look like I was trying to hide that the dress fit poorly.  I left feeling good about this option, even if I was still somewhat disheartened that adding the lace was pushing the overall look into a little more vintage-y territory than anything else in our wedding.

I headed straight from the seamstress to a bridal salon appointment.  (Treating it like a full time job, for real!)  After calling around and confirming that I really had gone to all of the bridal boutiques in the Bay Area that carried a significant number of plus-size samples, I knew my only options were to head back to Alfred Angelo and David's Bridal because I hadn't tried on as many of their dresses during my first go-round.  This time I worked really hard on being more open-minded about what styles I would consider.  I came armed with a long list of possible contenders for each place, but I also told myself that I'd try on whatever the consultant brought me. 

I'm so glad I was open to trying dresses that weren't on my list because I got to Alfred Angelo and found out that almost none of the dresses on my list were in the store as a plus size sample.  So much for that plan!  But onward I pushed, and I even took pictures of some of the dresses I tried.

I felt beautiful in this first dress!  My consultant told me the sash could be ordered in black, and that's a look lots of people (including me) have really liked.  It's hard to tell because the picture is blurry, but this dress had a lot of bling going on and when we held up the wedding party dress beside it, the difference was shockingly clear.  Both me and the consultant agreed the dress was just too fancy for the style of my wedding.

And then for something completely different.  This was fun to try on, but it wasn't me. 

This last one the consultant brought in without my knowing it and it looked like a bunch of nothing on the hanger.  But when I put it on...

I adored it!  This sample was several sizes too big so the proportions were all wrong on top, but there was so much to love about this dress.  The black sash was just enough to accent my waist without being overwhelming, the bling on the sash made the dress 'special' while still looking appropriate with the wedding party dresses, and it has POCKETS!  Brilliant.  Just brilliant. 

Moving on to David's Bridal I had a similar experience with them not having plus-size samples of many of the dresses on my list.  So my consultant pulled a bunch of other dresses and into the dressing room I went.  I wasn't thrilled about anything I was putting on, so I don't have a lot of pictures to share.  Again I tried on the chiffon dress with the black sash, and I still loved it so I knew it continued to be a good option for me. 

I was just about to put on my clothes and leave when she brought in one more dress she thought I might like.  This one looked pretty sad on the hanger, but tell me if anything looks familiar to you.

Umm, yeah.  Besides being a little slimmer A-line silhouette, it was eerily identical to the Alfred Angelo dress I'd liked so much.  Gah!  What the hell?!  So after one meeting with a seamstress and two bridal appointments, I was feeling hopeful but seriously confused.

Not wanting to make another decision all by myself, there was no way I was finalizing anything without some input from a friend.  Lucky for me Party Person N was willing to spend her entire Friday evening driving back and forth to Sacramento with me just so I could get her esteemed opinion about this dress dilemma.  On our long car ride she helped me to realize that I really didn't love the idea of altering the Maggie dress if it meant wearing so much lace.  That was a tough realization, but I needed to admit that it was true and that my ideal goal was to find a new dress I could love. 

First I showed her the Alfred Angelo dress, which she really loved on me.  She confirmed all of my thinking about the dress, including that pockets are just about the best dress addition in the world.  Then we went over to David's Bridal and tried on the chiffon one and the twin.  Doling out some tough love, she told me the chiffon one looked great on me but might be a bit too casual, and I kinda agreed.  I think that's the reason I didn't just buy it the first time I tried it on, even though I really do love that dress.  As for the twin dress, the addition of a crinoline slip gave it more body at the bottom making it a dead ringer for the AA dress (except for the pockets).  And because AA sells that black sash separately, I could just add it to this dress and no one would be the wiser.  Party Person N loved this look on me so much that she actually cried a little.  Awww!  That meant a lot to me and definitely told me I was on the right track.

So we'd narrowed it down to just the Alfred Angelo dress and it's David's Bridal twin.  While we were trying to make a decision, the DB consultant told me the dress was being discontinued so it couldn't be ordered, plus it was currently on sale.  For $200.  Unfreakin'believable!  We started thinking that I'd be stupid not to buy this dress.  I would have to buy the sample, though, and it had a little pucker in the top of the bodice.  Looking at it closely, I couldn't figure out what was causing it so I was a little concerned that alterations might not be able to fix it.  That little pucker is the kind of thing a detail-oriented gal like myself could never pretend I didn't notice if it couldn't be corrected.  The only other consideration was that the crinoline slip was actually much warmer to wear than the AA dress was.  I'm guessing this is because it sat right against my legs, whereas the AA dress had some distance between between my skin and the crinoline.  But maybe those minor details were worth dealing with if I could save several hundred dollars.

Party Person N pointed out that to make the DB dress work I would need to buy the dress, the crinoline, and the AA sash, making the total cost about $400.  That was $600 cheaper than the $1000 price tag of buying the AA dress in-store, but before our trip I'd found the AA dress online for $590.  So Party Person N posed the question to me:  "Are pockets, a cooler dress, and not worrying about that pucker worth $190 to you?"  After only a second's worth of thought, the answer came to me surprisingly quickly:  "Oh yes." 

I chose a(nother) dress, and it feels amazing!!!  No regrets and no worries about this one, though.  What I'm going to do with that first dress is another question altogether, but for now I'm just going to revel in this happiness and contentment because they were ridiculously hard-fought.  So, yay!!!!

If you were a two-dress bride, what did you do with the first one? 

This Isn't Easy, and That's an Understatement - Pt. 2

Now that I've been able to get a little distance from the relentless dress disillusion that consumed me last week, I'm in a much better place to continue sharing this story with you.  So let's clear the room and then get back to it. 

When I left off, I was on my way to see the Maggie Sottero gown in person.  When the woman brought the bag into the dressing room I found myself already hoping I'd have that 'it's the one!' feeling because it was just so lovely.  The material and shape was so much like the others I'd tried on that I was certain it would look good on me.  But it was the beading at the waist that really sold me - part sparkly and part metallic, it felt like just the amount of bling I'd been hoping for.

The woman helped me squeeze myself into a sample that was much too small, and I stood in the mirror for a very long time trying to imagine how this gown might look if it were the correct size.  Logically it felt like it should work - right fabric, right shape, right detailing, right color, right price.  I checked off each of those items multiple times in my head while the clocked ticked off minutes going on hours.  As I stood there.  In the dress.  Uncertain.

At one point I remember saying to her, "This whole time I've just been looking at the dress, but it's hard to look at me in the dress."  The shape and fit were bad, but I was assured that was just a sizing issue.  The dress felt too low at the top, but the saleswoman confidently said that in my size the top would come a bit higher and the dress was "meant to be low like that" so it actually "looked better than I thought it did."   I was trying hard to convince myself that I loved it.  Because I did love it, didn't I?  I loved it online, I loved it in person, and I wanted to love it on me. 

I asked myself again and again, "Is this the one?"  Waiting there by myself in the dressing room, I didn't hear an answer.  All I could think about was how much time I'd put into finding dresses like this, how few other options I'd been able to uncover, how much I liked the idea of this dress, and how little time I had left to buy something.  I heard the voices of so many people telling me not to worry because alterations can work wonders, and I heard myself wanting to make a decision so I could move on to another project. 

So I bought the dress.  I put down the non-refundable deposit, paid the $100 fee for the plus size "pattern change" as well as the extra fee to have it rush ordered so that it would arrive no later than the last day of September.  There were no tears of joy, no quiet certainty, no sense of relief.  Instead there was just extraordinary hope that I was worrying for no reason and that somehow it would work out. 

To try and alleviate my concerns, I decided to take a bit of a road trip the next day to a store that had a slightly larger sample gown in stock.  Thinking positively, I'd brought with me some jewelry and hair accessories because I wanted to get some idea what was going to work with my dress.  Seeing it in that store, it was just as beautiful as I remembered it.  I was able to slide on this sample, and I waited for her to clip me in it before I snuck a glance in the mirror.  "Please let it look amazing.  Please let me have no worries about the top of this dress."

But again I was confronted with the knowledge that the top of the dress was uncomfortably low for me.  Trying to quell my impending freak out, the super nice saleswoman offered to call Maggie Sottero to ask about how increasing the pattern size would increase the height of the top.  In the meantime, I grabbed a beaded lace jacket and stuffed it into the top of the dress to try and visualize what adding some trim along the top might look like.

I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it either.  Throughout my dress hunt I hadn't been particularly fond of lacey looks, either for me or for the style of our wedding.  Adding that trim along the top and then considering adding a bolero of the same material really altered the feel of the dress in a way I wasn't sure I liked.  When the saleslady got off the phone, she didn't have good news for me.  The person told her that going up in size only changes the circumference of the gown, so the difference in the height of the bodice between a size 2 and a size 20 was only half an inch.  HALF AN INCH! 

That was it for me.  In that moment, less than 24 hours after I'd purchased it, I knew for sure the dress wasn't going to work as-is.  And I won't lie - I was devastated.  It took a few days for the information to sink in and for me to gather up the energy to start thinking about some resolution to the situation.  But I had a very cathartic conversation with a good friend who confirmed that the dress I ordered was going to be too low and that I needed to just think about this dress hunt as my full time job right now.  That was so nice to hear because somehow it gave me permission not to focus on anything else for the time being and to do whatever is necessary to find a dress that I love.  (Thanks for that, L!)

So...  I'm back on the hunt for both dresses and alterations, and I promise to keep you posted on my progress.  Thanks for all your support, Hive!  I'm feeling really, really hopeful that I'll have good news to share with you soon.

I'd love to hear from those of you out there who also second-guessed your dress decision or who ended up being a two (or more) dress bride.  How did you live with yourself through this process?!  :-)

This Isn't Easy, and That's An Understatement - Pt. 1

This has been a really tough week in the wedding planning department, and I'm not nearly out of the woods yet.  All of this emotional turmoil is about one thing - the dress.  That singularly important wedding element that I've tried to avoid thinking about for so long now.  And since I'm still squarely in the middle of this predicament, I'm still not sure how it's all going to work out.

The short story is this:  I bought a dress, and I don't feel good about it.

There is, of course, a longer story.  So...  The dress journey started innocently enough with me trying on a few dresses at a couple different places, and it was actually going pretty well.  In fact, I'd started writing a post about how relatively painless it had been and how I was silly to have avoided it for so long.  I'm such a researcher at heart that I was probably never going to be one of those women who goes to one or two stores, tries on a handful of dresses, and falls in love with 'the one.'  But I was doing what I assume you're supposed be doing in those appointments, which is finding out what I liked and didn't like.  The more dresses I tried on the clearer my sense of what I was looking for.  Eventually I had it nailed down to one particular style that I was positive would work for me, and I really loved it.  Surprisingly (to me, at least) I was feeling really excited and really close to making a decision.  That's the good, hopeful part of the story.

I didn't know this before, but I certainly know it now - the problem with finding a particular style you like and not being a regular sample size is that many places won't have dresses in that specific style that you can actually try on.  So even though I'd decided I was looking for a flowy, slim-line, pleated chiffon gown, I'd only been able to actually try on two of them.

both dresses from David's Bridal

And one other dress I'd held in front of me.

dress by Mori Lee

The first dress I really loved was that black-sashed David's Bridal one, and when others saw the pictures of me in it they seemed to love it as well. But the further away I got from having tried it on, the more misgivings I had about the black sash. I was (am) worried it would look too 'matchy-matchy' with the wedding party dresses, and I was beginning to think I wanted something with just a bit more sparkle.

Even writing that out I'm still surprised I'm thinking that. I'm not a 'sparkly' person in my every day life (unless we're talking about my personality, of course!), and I had a very negative reaction to all of the poofy-er, blingy-er dresses I tried on. They were lovely, but they just weren't me. Not that I know who the bridal gown 'me' is since I've never dreamed about what I wanted this dress to look like. All I know is that the more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea of a simple gown with this shape and fabric plus a really sparkly waistline.  Looking back over the pictures I'd taken of these dress trips I came to the conclusion that the other David's Bridal gown didn't offer quite enough waist definition for my liking, and the beading on that Mori Lee gown felt a bit too dainty for me. 

I put all that info together and then went searching online for a similar dress with some chunkier beading at the waist.  For the record, this is most likely where my problems started.  I'm fully aware that there are substantial downsides to being an over-researcher, especially when many dresses take at least 4-6 months to be made and I'm less than 5 months out from our wedding.  I also know the 'safest' way to make a decision about a dress would've been to just a find a dress I liked, buy it, and stop looking at dresses.  But I just couldn't let go of the thought that buying one of these dresses would've been settling.  And I wasn't ready to settle, at least not yet.    

My online research really only yielded two other viable options.  These were similar enough to ones I'd seen in person and/or tried on that I thought they'd probably work.

images of dresses by Maggie Sotero - 1 , 2

After scouring every real bride picture I could find of these two dresses and comparing them to things I had learned about what did and didn't work for me in other dresses, I determined that the waistline of the one on the left would probably be more flattering on me.  So began my frantic searching for a store carrying a sample.  I was thirteen calls deep before I finally found one, so I made an appointment for last Wednesday and I went in feeling genuinely hopeful that this would be the final shopping trip - the trip where I'd have that elusive 'the one' feeling and I'd know my search was over.  Needless to say that's not quite how it went down. 

My dress search and all of the situations related to it have been, by far, the most challenging and emotionally exhausting parts of my wedding planning experience thus far.  The self-doubt and second-guessing have been draining, and now the time crunch adds an additional level of stress that feels completely unbearable at times.  Even though I've already postponed writing this post for a few days now, I'm going to take just a little more time before I tell the rest of the story.

In the meantime, tell me about your experience.  When it came to shopping for your wedding day attire, were you an over-researcher like me or did you have more of a "one (store) and done" mentality?

Dressing the Party: Round 3

With David's Bridal and a smaller boutique crossed off the list of possibilities, it was back to the drawing board once more.  By this point, the infinity dress had been mailed back and forth across the country for everyone to try on, and the consensus was that it needed to be nixed as well.  Everyone thought it was a fabulous dress, and several people said they wanted to buy one even if we didn't use it for the wedding.  But there were concerns that it would look too casual in gray, even with a fancier fabric, and that it might be more "high maintenance" than people would prefer.  So it's a no-go for the wedding, but I'm seriously considering getting one for the honeymoon. 

dress by Etsy seller katesy

[By the way, if you're thinking about getting an infinity dress for yourself or your wedding party, I would highly recommend Etsy seller katesy.  She was wonderfully communicative, was flexible and patient in getting me a loaner dress to send around to everyone, she will customize the dresses both to your wedding color(s) and the specific measurements of your wedding party members (including plus sizes), and she offers matching tube tops for additional coverage.  And fyi: this is not a paid endorsement of any kind, trust me!  I was just really impressed when I was in contact with her.]

Now, back to the story - because this is the really good part, I promise.  :-)  It's the part where Party Person N and I trekked up to the Sacramento area to go to this mysterious Alfred Angelo signature store.  For those of you who haven't been before, it's pretty much like going to a David's Bridal - it's fairly big and busy, they assign you a consultant, and they have lots of styles and sizes to choose from.  Because I still didn't have a clear sense of what I wanted these dresses to look like, we just grabbed every cocktail-length dress they had that came in the charcoal color.

We were quickly able to rule out the satin dresses, which still left us with a bunch of chiffon options.

The initial verdict - charcoal was absolutely the perfect color (third dress in the bottom row), and I could be blissfully happy if our wedding party members chose any of those styles.  Finally, finally!  Oh, blessed color and fabric choice of the Ferris Wheel wedding, you had appeared to me! 

As I sat basking in my relief, this next little realization felt like it came out of nowhere yet made so much sense: Party Person N and I both both adored the black trim on that charcoal dress.  In fact, that's totally what made the dress for me.  The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a dash of black on a gray dress was just the little bit of edge and sass that I was looking for, and I was pretty sure it would work beautifully with the overall aesthetic of our wedding. 

We asked the consultant about dresses with contrast trim, and she told us that there were only a few that could be ordered that way.  But looking more closely at all of the dress options, I was certain we could find a way to replace sashes, belts, straps, or flowers with black ones in order to create a cohesive look.  As best I can imagine (and hastily throw together in Publisher), here's a very rough idea of what we're aiming for.

{flower boy, junior Party Person, 3 Party People, 3 Team Mr. FW people, and a flower girl}

gray dress images from Alfred Angelo (some edited by me), source for vest images and flower girl dress image lost forever in my inspiration folders - sorry!

We're not quite there yet, but it's definitely starting to come together.  Now... what is it that's left?  There's something... I just know it.  Something that we need... in addition to those outfits...  Something like...  Oh yeah, a wedding dress for the bride and a suit for the groom.  That's right.  Alas, something for another day.  (I swear I'm working on it.  I actually have an appointment tonight - wish me luck!)

Random question: where do you fall in the satin vs. chiffon debate?  (Yes, I realize there are other fabric options out there, but it seems to me that those two categories encompass at least 75% of bridesmaid dresses available, yeah?) 

Dressing the Party: Round 2

A few weeks after Round 1, I went to a fancy bridal salon hoping to see some of the Alfred Angelo and Alfred Sung dresses I'd been looking at online. As soon as we got there, I felt uncomfortable and out of place but I just chalked it up to lack of familiarity with this kind of store. Oh, if only I'd been aware of the 2.5 star rating on Yelp perhaps I would've moderated my expectations a bit. 

logo via Yelp

You remember me talking about how principled I am when it comes to dress shopping, yeah? Well let's just say that a huge store with only twelve "plus-size" (meaning larger than 14) bridesmaid dress options and a consultant who refused to acknowledge the store's limited plus-size inventory (until I brought it up), was honestly just never going to work for me.  Thus I learned that one needs to call and ask about these things before you you just show up for an appointment.

image via cbcastro's Flickr page

I'm not proud of it, but I'll admit that I was feeling pretty 'over it' from very early on. My Party Person shopping pal was wonderfully cheerful and optimistic to counteract my Eeyore-esque attitude, though. You'll notice that there aren't dress pictures to accompany this post, and that's because there really wasn't much worth remembering. We tried on all of four dresses, I think.  The consultant kept telling us that if we picked a dress online she would happily order it for us so we could buy it from that store, but for me the point of going to a store is so that you can try things on before you buy them.  Usually I'm all about shopping online, but my indecision over dress styles means I have this crazy need to actually see everything in person.  And in any event, if I were going to order them sight unseen, there's a more-than-decent chance that I'd stand on principle and order them from a store that carried a wider selection of plus-size samples. 

image by HerbFellow via deviantART

This negative bridal salon experience seriously made me want to crawl into a little bride cave and just disappear for a while, and it certainly did nothing to increase my excitement about wedding gown shopping.  But Party Person N encouraged me to get back on the horse, and she was right.  That same night I serendipitously happened to find out that Alfred Angelo apparently had these "signature stores" where they carried all their styles in the full range of sizes. And luckily for me, there was a signature store relatively close by.  Since I knew they offered a gray color called charcoal, I was feeling kinda hopeful that one trip to this signature store would result in me finally making a decision about these dresses.  So... I got back on the horse. 

If you were ever surprised (and not in a good way) by something that happened at a bridal salon, were you able to get over it or did you choose to move on to a different store?

Dressing the Party: Round 1

Several months ago Party Person K and I headed out David's Bridal to look at some potential dress options for the members of the wedding party (plus we threw in an infinity dress at my house, just for good measure). My goal for that day: if nothing else, get clarification on my preferred dress color and length. Who would've thought that was too much to ask of myself?! I partially blame K for this. I pretty much made her try on every dress in the store, and she looked damn good in nearly all of them!

I came home WAY more confused than when I left. Previously convinced we'd go with knee-length gray dresses, I couldn't believed how much I loved the elegance of the floor-length ones. And although I did still really gravitate towards shades of gray, those versatile black dresses were starting to call my name. 

That night I sat down to discuss the options with Mr. FW and I was so frustrated that I was teary-eyed. I felt confused and I was worrying about things I'd never questioned before. My main issue seemed to be a concern that a shorter dress wouldn't look formal enough for a downtown evening wedding. The longer ones looked so much more elegant and I thought maybe that was a better fit. 

Then Mr. FW said something that was oh-so-true. His exact words were, "We haven't made a single other 'elegant' decision when it comes to this entire wedding. Why are we going for 'elegant' now?" It was an Aha! moment for me. I had been mesmerized by the beauty of those long dresses, but it's true that we're not really trying to have a super-elegant wedding. Chic, yes. Elegant, no. Laid-back, yes. Formal, no.  In that moment I knew that knee-length dresses would obviously work better with our overall aesthetic.  It really helped to be reminded by Mr. FW to plan OUR wedding, not someone else's style of wedding. 

I also found out during this conversation that Mr. FW planned to wear a dark gray suit and he wanted everyone in the wedding party to wear something at least a little bit lighter. That means we'd need to go with lighter gray dresses.  So oddly enough, I'd accomplished my goal of determining the color and length of the dresses by the end of that day, even if it didn't happen quite as I'd imagined it would. We were squarely on the hunt, then, for knee-length dresses in a medium gray color. David's Bridal was out because they didn't have a good range of dresses in the right color, but the infinity dress was still potentially an option.  On to Round 2!

How many rounds did it take you to find dresses for your wedding party?  Did you second-guess any of your decisions about the dress color or length?